Conveyancer Haunting

Things weren’t looking good for Rylee. With her leg broken and a haunted conveyancing museum attempting to end her life, she had significant doubts over whether she’d escape. Finding a relatively safe corner to hide in, for a long while she simply hoped that the haunted papers and furniture would forget all about her, but after two hours, that didn’t seem to be the case. And so, if she was going to make it out, she’d have to crawl through the maelstrom and hope for the best.

Just as she prepared to push herself through the pain and leave her hiding spot, a paper bat crashed into the wall near her, falling to the ground in a clear daze. Rylee extended her arm and snatched the paper, unfolding it. The document appeared to be by a conveyancer operating near Brighton, detailing a property settlement, although it was only half-finished. The paper struggled in her hand, attempting to break free of her grasp. Rylee held tight, an idea forming in her mind.

She’d once worked as a buyer’s agent, real estate agent and pretended to be a conveyancer in the Mentone area, as well as numerous other Melbourne suburbs. She was perfectly qualified to complete this piece of work. Besides, even if nothing happened, the mere fact that it was half-finished bothered her quite a bit, so she simply had to do something about it.

Rylee pulled a pen out of her pocket and began to complete the paperwork, even as the paper continued struggling against her. It wasn’t easy, but eventually, she managed to dot all the I’s and cross all the T’s.

When the job was done, the paper immediately stopped struggling. It went limp, then fell to the floor as she let it go. Slowly, the paper began to fade, until it was no longer there at all. 

Rylee put the pen away and considered what had just happened. It seemed the restless papers simply wanted their conveyancing business completed, so if she could put them to rest, maybe she would be able to get out of here safely. It was worth a shot, at least.


Testing the Glass

‘Hi, Mister…’

         ‘You may call me Vlad,’ I said to the scientist from behind my sunglasses. She took a moment to adjust to my accent, then smiled at me again.

         ‘Vlad,’ she nodded. ‘Pleasure to meet you.’

         ‘Indeed,’ I snorted. ‘Now, you said you had something to show me?’

         ‘Of course,’ she nodded. ‘Your assistant said on the phone that you didn’t like to wait.’

         ‘Oh, it is not me that minds,’ I shook my head. ‘It is your kind.’

         ‘I beg your pardon?’ she asked, sweetly.

         ‘If I wait, for even an instant,’ I explained. ‘You have a frankly annoying habit of turning to dust, your entire civilisation collapsing into ruin and myth from which only I emerge unscathed.’

         She gaped at me, lost for words. After a few moments, I grinned and gestured ahead of us.

         ‘Hugo said you had some commercial window tinting solutions that would suit my needs?’

         ‘What? Oh, right,’ she regained her composure. ‘Yes. My lab discovered something very interesting from the samples you supplied. Something very interesting indeed.’

         ‘Are they fraudulent?’ I asked her, stowing my sunglasses in my jacket pocket as we descended the stairs.

         ‘That’s just it,’ she said, excitement making her pulse quicken. ‘They’re even better than anticipated.’

         ‘Better?’ I frowned. ‘How is that possible?’

         ‘I didn’t believe it initially either,’ she held open a glass door for me. ‘But it’s true. These samples are no ordinary commercial decorative glass. Melbourne simply isn’t prepared for the ramifications of this discovery.’

         ‘Show me,’ I whispered. She obliged with a nod at one of her assistants, who quickly typed a command into a computer terminal.

         The whole room turned dark, then lit by a dull green glow of emergency lighting. A mounted laser system descended from the ceiling, positioning itself in front of a pane of glass. Either it hadn’t been there when I’d first entered the room or I’d been unable to focus on it properly; I wasn’t sure which was worse.

         ‘Alright,’ the woman next to me said. ‘Places, people. Let’s make history.’


Flush In Trouble

‘Melvin!’ came the cry from downstairs. I briefly considered ignoring it.

Melvin!’ it repeated, angrier this time.

I sighed. No ignoring it. I just had to face the music.

‘Yeah, mum?’ I called innocently down the staircase.

‘Come here, please,’ she called back. Not calmly, exactly. More like… restrained.

I slowly trod down the stairs and into the bathroom, where my very unimpressed mother stood with her arms crossed in front of the toilet.

‘Explain yourself please,’ she said, tersely.

‘Uh…’ I started, but she immediately cut me off.

‘What happened?’

‘I don’t know what you mean?’ I tried, momentarily forgetting my pledge to face the music.

‘You know exactly what I mean,’ she said, pointing at the toilet bowl. ‘Now, I know that’s not your sister’s action figure sitting in my S-bend.’

‘It could be,’ I mumbled.

‘So tell me what happened,’ she said, ignoring me. ‘Explain why I’m about to call a plumber that fixes blocked drains in the Brighton area.’

‘Well…’ I started. ‘I brought him in here with me because I had to go, and I remembered that the box said that he was king of Atlan-tiss…’

‘Oh, Melvin,’ my mother put her head in her hand.

‘I thought he could swim!’ I said. ‘I wanted to see him swim!’

‘Sure,’ she said, exhausted. ‘But then why did you go and flush?’

‘Swimming was boring,’ I shrugged. ‘I wanted him to have to battle a cyclone!’

‘And how’d that go?’ she asked dryly.

‘He… he lost,’ I admitted.

‘Right,’ she sighed.

‘Will we be on the news?’ I asked excitedly.


‘Will we make it to the news?’ I repeated with a grin. I leapt into the headline with my best newscaster voice. ‘“Tonight: the great drain unblocking – Melbourne has never seen anything like it!”’

‘Why do you care if we make it on the news?’ she asked, frowning.

‘Because we always watch it!’ I told her.

‘Oh, I’ll be watching it,’ she nodded. ‘But how are you going to see it if you can’t use the TV for a month?’


His Sister’s Car

‘Wait a second, wait a second,’ I held up a hand to slow my brother down. He took a deep breath, regaining his composure.

         ‘You good?’ I asked him. 

         ‘I’m good,’ he breathed out, finding his centre. ‘I’m good.’

         ‘Alright,’ I nodded slowly. ‘Now what is it you wanted to tell me. It’s not about my car, is it?’ I joked, laughing.

         He didn’t laugh with me.

         ‘Why aren’t you laughing with me?’

         ‘I, uh…’

         ‘Josh, I swear to god, if you crashed my car–’

         ‘The air conditioning broke,’ he said, wincing and holding his hands in front of his face.


         ‘The air conditioner,’ he repeated, cracking an eye open. ‘I think it’s broken.’

         ‘Broken how?’ I asked, my anger reduced to a simmer.

         ‘It’s not, like… cold?’

         He raised his hands in confusion and I rolled my eyes.

         ‘I probably just need to visit a mechanic that can perform a car air conditioning regas,’ I said.

         ‘What?’ he frowned. ‘That’s a thing?’

         ‘That’s a thing,’ I nodded.

         ‘How often are you supposed to do that?’

         ‘I don’t know, like every year?’


         ‘I know right, there should be some sort of manual or something.’

         ‘Phew,’ he chuckled. ‘For a second there, I thought you were going to kill me.’

         ‘Did you scratch my car?’


         ‘Then you get to live,’ I nodded. ‘My rules are pretty simple.’

         He threw his head back in mock laughter. I kept my face perfectly still, so he knew I was serious.

         ‘Now I just have to find a qualified mechanic local to Moorabbin to look at my car, I sighed.

         ‘Surely that won’t be too hard?’ Josh asked, frowning.

         ‘You wouldn’t think so,’ I sighed. ‘But it can be a slog. Want to come for a drive?’

         ‘Uh, maybe,’ he frowned, pulling out his phone.

         ‘Maybe?’ I asked, confused. ‘What are you looking at?’

         ‘The weather,’ he said like it was obvious. ‘You think I’m getting in a car with no air conditioning if it’s hot out there?’



Dad’s Bathroom Fall

I turned on the tap for the bath, perching myself on the side of the porcelain with a sigh. In some ways, I enjoyed this part of the process more than the bath itself – just sitting there, with the sound of the water, the steam beginning to caress my face. Nothing to do, nothing to take care of while I waited; just sweet, luxurious waiting.

         The door burst open and I squealed like a caught mouse, jumping for the towel rack on pure instinct to try and shield my naked body from whoever was barging on my bath time.

         My left foot landed on the tiles beautifully, but my right foot – wet from dangling in the water – slid out from underneath me as I slammed it down.

         ‘Dad, yikes, are you alright?’ my son rushed over to me as I lay on the floor, groaning.

         ‘Why’d you burst in for?’ I grunted at him, annoyed and in pain.

         ‘I needed to use the bathroom!’ he defended himself, throwing a towel over my lower half.

         ‘You didn’t hear the bath?’

         ‘What’s going on?’ another voice echoed from down the hallway.

         ‘Nothing!’ I yelled back.

         ‘Dad’s fallen over!’ my son called out to them. Within seconds, my whole extended family – sons, daughters, spouses and grandchildren – were gathered around me on the tiles.

         ‘I told you we needed to get him one of those bathtub cut outs for elderly people living in Sydney,’ my oldest daughter insisted.

         ‘He always said no!’ my youngest defended herself.

         ‘I’m not dead,’ I growled, unable to get up without help.

         ‘Brian, just let us do this for you,’ my middle son’s second wife pleaded.

         ‘Do what?’

         ‘Let us modify your bathtub for safety, please.’

         ‘I didn’t slip because I’m senile,’ I huffed. ‘Junior tried to frighten the life out of me!’

         ‘Did you see Mum?’ my son asked, eyes welling with tears.

         ‘That’s it!’ I threw my hands in the air and climbed to my feet, discarding the towel.

         Everyone left me to my bath pretty quickly after that.


Energy Base Inbound

As Maphira and Vai, bound with zip ties, were hauled into the back of a helicopter, Maphira couldn’t help but wonder what the point of it all was. Why go through so much effort just to mess with them? She’d already been captured by the Conclave of Mechanists before, and Vai had been part of the dark group back then. Con had explained his plan, blatantly copying the Galactic King from Space Battles, but she still struggled to wrap her head around it.

She supposed that Con couldn’t possibly have known Vai would screw up the Bender test by refusing to do lots of 30KW solar system installations. Perhaps after that, he’d simply wanted to test Vai, taking the opportunity to do so. Even so, it seemed more like Con was interested in the drama than actually ruling the world.

That’s it! Maphira thought. He does just prefer the drama. He’s a bored child playing chess with himself. And that means he’s not going to let this end. He’ll give us a chance to escape so that the game can continue. When it happens, we have to strike, rather than run, destroying the board this sick game is played on.

Perhaps Vai, with all her knowledge of solar power, would be able to come up with a way to stop Con once and for all. If only she wasn’t completely paralysed, she could have brainstormed with the woman for any useful solar energy information.

Most likely, Con’s helicopter would bring them right to the Conclave’s new energy base in Carnegie. There, maybe they could do something to bring down the Conclave of Mechanists. Because the thing was, when you played chess against yourself, eventually you made a move that proved to be poorly calculated. One couldn’t possibly keep track of both sides equally.

And if Maphira’s inkling about what was about to go down was correct, Con had made his most poorly calculated move yet.


Decorating With Decals

I might need to look into redecorating. My husband and I have just gotten divorced. Finally. I hated having him around all the time. The way he would leave the toilet seat up, not wipe dirt smudges off door handles or put his dishes in the dishwasher. Heck, even the way he packed the dishwasher when he finally did annoyed me.

I’m very glad to finally have him out of my life and even though I already feel ten times better than I did last week, I’d like to cleanse myself even more of him before I completely move on with my life. Even though I did all the interior decorating for our home (of course), I want to change it all. I picked wall decals designed in Melbourne that I knew we would both like. Or, not like exactly, but both tolerate. Now I can remove all the old artwork and select pieces that purely only I would like. In fact, I’m going to select pieces that I know for a fact he doesn’t like, just to show the world how free I am of him. I’ve kicked the deadweight to the curb and I couldn’t be happier about it. 

After fifteen years of marriage, I’m finally free. I’ve taken all his money and I’m going to spend all of it on things that he hates. It’s an incredibly satisfying feeling, if I do say so myself. This weekend I’m going to have the ladies over. We’re going to have a massive night – half of us are divorced and the other half are more than happy to leave their husbands at home. It’s going to be a party for the girls, by the girls. We might even have too much bubbly and go rogue on my interior design. Maybe we’ll buy a dinosaur wall decal or two and make a shine for my ex-husband. The old dinosaur he is. I’ve never been happier to be a single, free woman.


Choosing a Wallpaper

This morning I went to the shops to buy some new wallpaper for my house. I had always thought wallpaper was an old person’s thing, since most of my friends simply paint their walls, and most of the wallpaper I’ve seen throughout my life had been installed in the previous century. However, I feel like wallpaper is entering a bit of a renaissance. I constantly see blogs and videos online about all the new wallpaper that is being released, and how to style it to make it work for your home. I really like the idea of putting flower wallpaper up in my living room, as there is a little nook there that I can use to create an element of interest without overpowering the rest of the design.

The only issue was that I didn’t know which wallpaper to choose, since when I arrived at the store there were so many floral options! All the botanicals you could probably think of, and so many more. I was truly overwhelmed by the choice. Luckily, a friendly shop assistant was nearby to help me out. She took me through the different options, including not just the factors related to design, but also those related to installation. She actually suggested that for my intended use, I should instead consider a wall decal. Melbourne designers love using wall decals, especially the temporary, prepasted ones. They’re the kind of things that you can stick up in one particular place on your wall rather than covering the entire wall. This definitely seems to suit my needs a lot better.

There are many different sizes of wall decals, but in the end I settled on a pink flower one, as I’m thinking it’s going to look wonderful when placed near my rose gold couch. I left the wallpaper store with my pockets a lot lighter, but a bigger smile as I imagine what my house is going to look like when I have finished my interior design.


Stranded Without Electricity

​​I took a deep, long breath of the still night air… and let it out in a primal scream.

         ‘Okay, it’s not that bad,’ Vanessa rolled her eyes. She was hanging out the window of my luxury car – the one that had just spluttered to a stop on the side of the highway.

         ‘Not that bad?’ I asked, knuckles turning white. ‘Do you have reception?’

         ‘My phone isn’t even charged,’ she shrugged. ‘I was enjoying the evening with you.’

         I narrowed my eyes at her and she laughed.

         ‘Just get back in the car.’

         ‘No,’ I said stubbornly. ‘I need to figure out where we are first.’

         ‘We’re near Bentleigh,’ she said.


         ‘Bentleigh,’ she nodded. ‘Now will you hop back in?’

         ‘How do you know that? I thought your phone was dead.’

         ‘I’m psychic,’ she said, in a creepy monotone voice, widening her eyes. Her face cracked into a laugh, and she pointed over my shoulder at a sign that said “Welcome to Bentleigh”.

         ‘Oh,’ I frowned again. ‘Right. Do you know any expert mechanics in the Bentleigh area?’

         ‘Expert?’ she asked. ‘What’s wrong with a normal mechanic?’

         ‘For my baby?’ I asked, laying a shocked hand on her bonnet. ‘What’s wrong with you?’

         ‘Then no,’ she sighed. ‘No experts. Did you consider it might be electrical?’




         ‘Because all the lights went haywire,’ she said, miming the lights going haywire.

         ‘Great,’ I sighed, leaning against the front of the car and suppressing the urge to kick a tyre. ‘Where are we gonna find an auto electrical mechanic operating in Bentleigh at this time of night?’

         ‘It’s only just past seven,’ she checked her watch. ‘Why don’t you make some calls?’

         ‘No reception,’ I reminded her, annoyed. ‘We’re back at square one!’

         ‘You know,’ she said icily, ‘I’m not the one who wanted to take the scenic route.’

         ‘So this is my fault?!’

         ‘Oh good, you picked up on that!’ she shot back.

Buyer's Advocate

Buyer’s Agent Appointment

It’s early in the morning and I’m awake, ready to take on the day. Like, I definitely still feel tired and wish that I could have gone back to sleep, but my excitement for the day has given me enough energy to get out of bed and push through my heavy eyes. It’s a good feeling to wake up on a Monday morning and actually feel ready to take on the world. Stuff like that doesn’t happen to me often, so when it does I like to make the most of it. 

Why am I so excited? I’m sure you’re wondering! I’m excited because today is the day that I get to visit the highest-rated buyer’s advocate Sandringham has to offer. I’ve had an appointment with this buyer’s advocate scheduled for the last three weeks, and every morning I’ve woken up and run straight to the calendar to cross off being one day closer to my appointment. Waking up this morning truly felt like Christmas. I am so excited!

I can’t wait to walk into the office of the buyer’s advocate and tell them everything that I want from a property/home. It’s hard for me to not just run there right now. I’m seriously fighting the urge to go and sit out the front of the buyer’s advocate’s office and stare in through the window until they’re ready to see me. I don’t want to weird them out though so I’m just going to wait until an appropriate time to go to the buyer’s advocate office local to Melbourne. I’ll get the train there instead of driving so that it takes me longer to arrive – this way I can leave now and feel like I’m on my way (because I am) but will get there in double the time. I’m sure for a lot of people that may seem counterproductive, but when you want to get somewhere really badly but can’t be too early, it’s actually productive.